Friday 16 May 2014

5 Things That Men Should Be Eternally Grateful They'll Never Experience!

When I told Jarryd about this blog post he called me a feminist. Sometimes. But then I told him I wouldn't be with him cos "that''s just like the rules of feminism". Anyway, this one came to me when I was tights off, legs up, on a doctor's table.

Something happens to a woman when you're lying on a table being prodded by offensive looking devices. As in my case I started inwardly giggling at the awkwardness of it all. (Yes, it was my first time).Me go for a Hollywood? Not on your life!

But back to the matter at hand, there are some experiences in life I will gladly have traded with the opposite sex:

1) Explaining to your dad that the next time he goes shopping he must please buy "the blue box that says applicator" not super-jumbo-submarines.

2) Wearing that first bra with the weird elastic / wire / make my boobs look like a teepee tent contraption thing. Urgh.

3) Child birth. From what I've heard the scale goes from "Eheh" to "WTF x 100 WTFFFFFF!!!"
So exciting!

4) "Does my butt look big in this?"




5) "Did he just 'like' my profile picture or did he like it 'like it'?!?!"



Tuesday 6 May 2014

REVIEW: The Other Woman (Also, A Criticism of SA Movie Theatres)

I didn't quite know what to expect when I got roped in for Girls Night Out at Numetro V&A Waterfront last week Wednesday. I wasn't at all surprised by the cold popcorn or the vague, what-the-hell-is-going-on look on the faces of 82% of the staff. It's because I expect this, that I've become accustomed to smuggling treats from Clicks in a large hand-bag, especially to avoid paying petrol prices for bottled water. I was slightly surprised that I couldn't see the full screen, as a result of virtually no elevation between the rows A-F. Altogether a tad "unorganised". Nevermind the ridiculous queues in all directions. Oh, and not to mention the migraine I went home with, attributed to the screaming, continuous commentary I had to endure from the "ladies" to my left. Of course compounded by the unnecessary banshee-shrieks, squeals, guffaws, etc.   Also, WHY are you clapping? Are you a retarded seal?


But besides the rather "unwholesome" experience I was quite looking forward to The Other Woman, after all, the trailer had me keen...

I was both disappointed & not... The cast is quite a cool group of people and usually that helps a film limp over the finish line, in this case Leslie Mann manages to drag them all through an often disjointed & far-fetched script, much like Adam Sandler's Grown Ups.

Carly (Cameron Diaz) has seemingly met the perfect man when she starts dating Mark (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). However, all her illusions are shattered when he's supposed to meet her father, and instead she accidentally meets his ditzy wife, Kate (Leslie Mann). Heartbroken Carly attempts to move on with her life but by a sad twist of fate Kate reaches out to her in order to dish out some revenge. Their posse grows when they discover Mark's latest mistress, Amber (Kate Upton) and the 3 of them team up to plot the ultimate take-down. 


If this had happened to me I'm pretty sure I'd be on trial for double-murders, there is NO WAY I'd be drinking tequila to montage music sung by Cyndi Lauper! I'm so sick and tired of scorned women being depicted as dependable, weak-willed alcoholics. I will cut your balls off and use it as bait in a piranha tank.


Nick Cassavetes (The Notebook, My Sister's Keeper), takes the helm as director on this one. And this is probably the main problem. There is NOTHING romantic about cheating.



It's not all bad though, most of the antics provide a good laugh, it's only really Kate Upton's performance that is painful & cringe-worthy. (Her boobs put on an awesome show though, no homo).



Altogether this movie felt like a re-hash & slightly more adult version of John Tucker Must Die.

I'd recommend it for sleepovers with your girlfriends but I'm pretty sure ladies out there will be a tad more creative with revenge plots. And if you need help, you know where to find me.

PS) Bring tequila!








Sunday 4 May 2014

The One With It Being 10 Years Since The Finale Of FRIENDS


I'm just a tiny bit of a series and movie addict. Ok a lot of an addict.

One of my "cult classics" has to be Friends. As far as I'm concerned all comedies that came after is based on the same story line. Here's looking at you How I Met Your Mother.

I may have been 4 when the series first aired but by my first year of varsity I had already watched all 10 seasons thrice over (within a period of 3 years) and still continue to rewatch old episodes. I've now lost count. I have no idea what keeps me coming back for more, but something makes me feel like part of the furniture at Central Perk.


Also, Ross & Rachel is a waaaaaaaaayyyyy better love story than Twilight!